50 - Miami residents turn on the heat

40 - Californians shiver uncontrollably
Wisconsinites go swimming

35 - Italian cars don't start

32 - Water freezes

30 - You can see your breath
You plan your vacation to Australia
Wisconsinites put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless

25 - Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Wisconsinites eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you

20 - You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South

15 - You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

10 - Too cold to snow
You need jumper cables to get the car going

5 - You plan your vacation in Houston

0 - American cars don't start
Alaskans put on T-shirts
Too cold to skate

-15 - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Wisconsinites' stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist

-20 - Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof

-25 - Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
Only ice chunks hit the bottom of the outhouse

-10 - You plan a two week hot bath
The Mighty Monongahela freezes
Japanese cars don't start

-40 - Californians disappear
Wisconsinites button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South

-50 - Congressional hot air freezes
Alaskans close the bathroom window

-80 - Hell freezes over
Polar bears move south